"In these stones horizons sing"

Dear Santa,

[…] No. I’m afraid this is not another usual Christmas letter.

Well, what can I say? It’s tough when you spend a great amount of your life studying a language, reading an unspeakable quantity of books and information. When you start watching all films, listening to music and being completely overturned working in a specific language with so few inducements, only for a kind of stealthy passion. Nevertheless I can’t find the words for that sort of things, letters… who can?

If you ask me maybe I can’t say a hundred per cent a sure answer for why I am here or why I study English, because since a year ago I never thought about the possibility of being abroad so far from home. But I realised that as they say, home is where the heart is and moreover I always thought that my country are my friends. On the end, I think home can also be an ascetic ground floor in an unpronounceable residence. Our dusty, noisy and delightful mess –and you love it-.
On the other hand, I’m not writing this letter in order to flatter you or tell you empty words because they will be gone with the wind and, besides, you know I hate flattery, I’m not hypocrite, sorry ;), and in fact I am a kind of teasing you, in order that you react. But still, I think I’m so glad to met you, I like your passion and dedication in your commitments, although at the same time you love continuous changes. You are an eccentric and spicy person, difficult to find and impossible to define.

Regarding me, I’ve been spending so much time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Not even for myself, I think I should improve, but I also find it hard to always know that all can I do is improve myself rather than enjoy what I achieved. Nothing comes for free (as a song sais). Or maybe as you say, I think “too much”, but you know, I’m not a simple person.

Our lives are so different; plenty of times I just don’t understand you although I try hard; as the Irish boy could say, “don’t worries”, nobody understands at least a seventy per cent of me. Maybe did you decide it wasn’t worth it, I would never tried to know, but perhaps you are not the person you say you strive to be. I only hope you can achieve it some day :). I’m not angry, possibly hurt, and kind of empty but I really want to be someone important, as we used to. Moreover I want you to consider the importance of those words.

And at this point I’m just kind of writing this because I can.

In short, when you buy a coffee you are not only paying for that drink very dark-brown, sometimes of dubious origin and “additives” or “preservatives”, nor paying only a small dose of stimulant drug that is so good on cold sleepy mornings. It is not the intense bitter taste what you want, or maybe yes, but not just that. What you really buy with a coffee, but you never noticed, it is a time of peace, tranquillity and relaxation. You are buying difficult decisions and bad shots, or maybe the while that you owed to an old friend. You might be paying for an excuse to be with that person, or you want a dose of inspiration, motivation and desire to work. There are people who really are buying a weapon, a very hot shower upon the enemy, or maybe the power to say something silly to the person that you love.

Or maybe it means nothing, and I am being silly narrating that stuff. Who actually cares?

I don’t know if I am satisfied with my work, I don’t know many things which seem to be in order in my life, but if they weren’t it definitively would not be my life. It would be someone else’s life, but not mine. And probably I wouldn’t be here, and my work would not fulfil me as it currently does. So, I think I cannot complain, thank you very much for the great part that includes you, flatties. And as a friend says: “Let the good times roll”.

Love,

xx

***

"Bilbo Baggins: You can promise that I will come back?Gandalf: No. And if you do, you will not be the same."

(The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey)


You know what they say. Cold hands, warm heart.